Special Episode 2: Budweiser Budvar with Lieutenant Nathan Fortner & Simpler Times Lager with Smilin' Mike Mason and Squire Brendan Roche

I. Introduction

"The pickled eggs were on a shelf suspiciously near the beer."

Today is a little different than usual.  We are combining a tele-review sent in from England via the mysterious INTERNETS from the elegant Nathan Fortner of a beer we look forward to trying ourselves, Budweiser Budvar, with a totally unplanned special review of the WORST BEER WE HAVE EVER HAD, Simpler Times Lager - this generic, Trader Joe's horror that will give us far more nightmares than vampires or zombies.  Hold onto your butts kids, this is a weird one.

Today, on Pickled Eggs & Cold Beer, we're talking about Budweiser Budvar and Simpler Times Lager. 

"Formaldehyde with a WD-40 topper."

II. Our First Guest, Lt. Nathan Fortner

Opulence.

III. Rubric for Budweiser Budvar

BeerAdvocate: 3.59 of 5

RateBeer: 3.13 of 5

Untappd: 3.27 of 5

ABV: 5%

Origin: A Czech beer, state-owned, imported to the US as Czechvar.  We haven't had the imported version yet but Nathan warns us that, as far as he knows, it is generally imported in un

Ingredients: Whole Saaz hops, Moravian barley malt, spring water (from an ice age lake 300 metres under the brewery) and a strain of yeast used by the brewery since 1895.

Cost: $ and 1/2 - seems to be $7 typically in the US for a six-pack.

IV. Our Review and Talking Points for Budweiser Budvar

Nathan liked it and said it was tasty. 

V. Our Second and Third Guests, Squire Brendan Roche and Smilin' Mike Mason

The Simpler Times Three, plus (on the far left) friend of the podcast
Adam Kennedy, dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire.  Because why not?

VI. Rubric for Simpler Times Lager

BeerAdvocate: 2.86 of 5

RateBeer: 2.18 of 5

Untappd: 2.74 of 5

ABV: 6.2%

Origin: A contract beer whose label and recipe are owned by Trader Joe's, brewed for them by Minhas Craft Brewing in Monroe, Wisconsin.

Ingredients: We aren't sure - we couldn't find a definitive list, but the general consensus is it is a corn adjunct beer, though what form the corn adjunct is added in is debated.

Cost: half a $ . . very, very inexpensive, cost us $2.99 for a sixer.

VII. Our Review and Talking Points for Simpler Times Lager

Appearance: A nice amber color.

Aroma:  Industrial-floral.

Mouthfeel: Formaldehyde, metally aftertaste. 

Authenticity, Marketing, Other Factors: A contract beer made by an old, respected brewer for a national chain that is beloved by some, reviled by others as the Starbucks of grocery stores.  Can design is nice, but unless you shop at Trader Joe's you probably didn't know it existed.

Mike Mason noted that this beer tastes like, "rubbing alcohol and stale bread" and gave it a 0.5 of 5 - "because its not a handful of mud, which would be a zero." Squire Roche called it, "an open-faced crap sandwich" and suggests it should be paired with "a mouthful of nickels" and also gave it a 0.5. Eric lamented the taste of metal, "I feel like I had a nose bleed" and gave it a 0.25. Our overall rating? A 0.42 of 5.

VIII. Plugs

Camaron (E-Z) Cheeseman

Drew S. 

The War of 1812

IX. Recommended Reading and Viewing

Lee Breslouer. September 25, 2015. "Every Trader Joe's Beer, Ranked by Great Divide's Head Brewer." Thrillist. 

Benjamin Cunningham. January 27, 2014. "Where a Budweiser Isn't Allowed to be a Budweiser." Time.

Will Gordon. June, 2011.  "Drinking the Bottom Shelf: Trader Joe's Beer." Serious Eats. 

Roger Protz. "The Oxford Companion to Beer Definition of Budweiser Budvar." Beer & Brewing Magazine. 

Nick Redmayne. November 9, 2017. "How Budweiser Budvar Became the Heart of Czech Beer Culture." The Independent. 

Ronald Theriot. November 20, 2011. "Czechvar (Budweiser Budvar)." Louisiana Beer Review on YouTube.

Ronald Theriot. June 6, 2013. "Simpler Times Lager."  Louisiana Beer Review. on YouTube.

X. Our Sponsors

This episode was sponsored by two wonderful local businesses:

Leben Farms of Abingdon, Virginia

Leben Farms is a community supported-agriculture (CSA) program that offers locally grown fresh vegetables in weekly boxes to its members in Southwest Virginia and East Tennessee.  Using organic and regenerative practices to grow nutrient dense food, community-supported agriculture is a food production and distribution system that directly connects farmers and consumers. In short: people buy "shares" of a farm's harvest in advance and then receive a portion of the crops as they're harvested.

Check them out on Facebook or Instagram.

Also...

Glade Pharmacy in Glade Spring, Virginia

33472 Lee Hwy, Glade Spring, VA 24340

Locally owned and managed, Glade Pharmacy provides the highest quality pharmaceutical service in the Emory/Glade Spring area.

Episode 16: Hamm's Beer with Trevor Smith, Callie Hietala, Justin Smith, and Brent Treash

I. Introduction

"I called them and said I'd be late for the meeting 'cause I had to buy lottery tickets." 

Chef, writer, and food librarian Sara Bir wrote something beautiful about today’s beer, and I’d like to start things off with a quote from it:

Hamm’s tastes like freedom. Freedom to get a good buzz after work on a Tuesday evening when daylight lasted until 9-ish. Freedom to be constantly broke-all but still buy decent brie. Freedom to squander time on hopeless crushes and aimless solo hikes. I may not scale mountains or go to rock shows that conclude at 2 a.m., but I can still dig on an ideal, and when I want to indulge in a can of shitty summertime beer, Hamm’s delivers every time.

That’s right folks, today we’re reviewing a beer from Minnesota, a beer that has some of the most legendary breweriana and advertising associated with it of any quaff, a beer that as famous for its mascot as its actual product, and a beer that until recently no one I knew had ever tried.

Today, on Pickled Eggs & Cold Beer, we’retalking about Hamm’s.

Today's theme is Bertha Lee and Charley Patton's 1934 "Mind Reader Blues." 

II. The Phone on Which We Called Our Pseudo-Guests

We had one of these in my cabin.  It was really loud and every
time it rang/quacked I almost peed myself a little.

III. Rubric

BeerAdvocate: 2.75 of 5

RateBeer: 1.86 of 5

Untappd: 2.62 of 5

ABV: 4.7%

Ingredients: barley, corn syrup, yeast, hops, hops extracts, water

Cost: $; cheap - say whatever else you want about Hamm's, it won't break the bank. 

IV. Our Reviews and Talking Points

Appearance: Transparent, translucent, golden - a good amount of head that rapidly evaporates; very limited carbonation. 

Aroma: Mild, inoffensive.

Flavor:  Bad.  Corn syrupy, wave after wave of unpleasant aftertastes, metallic, iodine, and mealy notes and aftertastes.

Mouthfeel: Long, lingering, mildly oily aftertaste film.  Not great. 

Authenticity, Marketing, and Other Factors:  This is why we wanted to like this beer.  Hamm's has a tradition of amazing advertising and breweriana - truly wonderful commercials, an iconic mascot, great stuff.  Truly, it is a rabbit hole worth going down [we recommend starting with the wonderful people over at The Hamm's Collectors].  Yet one must wonder, now that Hamm's has been incorporated into a one of the huge multnational beer amalgams these don't seem to be around anymore, at least not in our area. 


Overall:  Clayman compared it to putting a battery on your tongue or a nickel in fizzy water then gave it a rating of .75 stars... Eric gave this beer the same, a mere .75 stars.  Over all? Our rating is 0.75 of 5 stars. 

V. Sponsors

This episode was sponsored by two wonderful local businesses:

Leben Farms of Abingdon, Virginia

Leben Farms is a community supported-agriculture (CSA) program that offers locally grown fresh vegetables in weekly boxes to its members in Southwest Virginia and East Tennessee.  Using organic and regenerative practices to grow nutrient dense food, community-supported agriculture is a food production and distribution system that directly connects farmers and consumers. In short: people buy "shares" of a farm's harvest in advance and then receive a portion of the crops as they're harvested.

Check them out on Facebook or Instagram.

Also...

Glade Pharmacy in Glade Spring, Virginia

33472 Lee Hwy, Glade Spring, VA 24340

Locally owned and managed, Glade Pharmacy provides the highest quality pharmaceutical service in the Emory/Glade Spring area.

VI. Plugs

John Hamm

Hillbilly Epicurean
Justin Smith

The Sunsphere
Knoxville, Tennessee

Tom's Potato Chips

Charlotte, North Carolina

Wolf Hills Brewing

Abingdon, Virginia

VI. Further Reading and Viewing

Sara Bir. July 21, 2014. "Hammin' It Up: An Ode to an American Classic." Good Food Stories.

Peter Frost.  January 24, 2018.  "Fast-Growing Hamm's Looks to Stay Red-Hot in 2018." Behind the Beer. 

Josh Noel.  July 11, 2017.  "How Hamm's Reflects History of American Beer."  Chicago Tribune.

Austin Prickett.  July 15, 2015.  "Policy: Nude Man Found Drinking Hamm's Beer in Barn Full of Pigs."  Fox 25 News.

Frank Kelly Rich. "Ten Greatest Alcohol Icons of All Time: The Story Behind the Face on the Bottle." Modern Drunkard.

Max Sparber.  January 9, 2012.  "Schmaltz Hero: The Story of the Hamm's Beer Bear."  Minnesota Post.

Ronald Theriot. May 18, 2017. "Hamm's Revisted: Special Edition." Louisana Beer Reviews. On YouTube.

VII. Selected Advertisements

c. 1950s

c. 1950s

c. 1961

c. 1979

c. 1979

c. 1980

c. 1981

c. 1984

c. 1989

Episode 15: Foster's Lager with Brent Treash, American Hero

I. Introduction

"That's what she said."

William and Ralph were Irish-American brothers who immigrated from New York to Melbourne, Australia in 1886.  Three years later they were producing their first beers for local consumption, and three years after that their brew became the first Australian beer export, sent to South Africa to bolster the spirits of the young men fighting in the Boer Wars.  Shortly thereafter their brewery consolidated with Carlton & United Breweries who continued producing the brothers’ beer exclusively for sale in bottles, the only way it would be available until 1958 when it was first sold in cans.  For most of that time today’s beer was the flagship beverage in the CUB line, until the early 1970s when it began to be exported to Britain and the United States.  Through the 1980s CUB shifted the brand’s marketing and sales focus overseas, till by the 21st century it was almost impossible to find in Australia, but had become the second most popular beer in the United Kingdom.  This growth was in no small part possible because of the craze for all things Australian in North America and Europe during the 1980s and 1990s, a craze fed by the Crocodile Dundee series of films, by Quigley Down Under, by the Mad Max films, Cheech Marin’s masterpiece Shrimp on the Barbie, and my personal favorite product of Australia, Yahoo Serious’ masterpiece Young Einstein.

Today’s beer, however, finds itself in legal trouble over one little thing.  Despite advertising itself as “Australian for beer,” only a small proportion of its output is actually brewed in the great Southern Continent and even less of it is consumed there.   In Britain, its largest market, it is actually brewed in Manchester, while in the United States the quaff bubbles out of Fort Worth, Texas or Albany, Georgia, or in some northern climes, is imported from Canada – hell, it is also produced in China, France, Japan, Portugal, India, Ireland, Sweden, Vietnam and, yes, Australia.

Now part of Anheuser-Busch InBev, a symbol of Australia barely consumed by Australians, today’s beer is one of the best symbols of globalization’s impact on the beer market, multinationalism in an oil can.

That’s right, today on Pickled Eggs & Cold Beer we’re talking about Foster’s Lager.

Today's theme is Leroy Carr's 1935 "Six Cold Feet in the Ground."

II. Our Guest, Well-Known Roustabout Brent Treash

"That's what she said."

III. Rubric

BeerAdvocate: 2.53 of 5

RateBeer: 2.01 of 5

Untappd: 2.75 of 5

ABV: 5% in the United States, 4% in Europe

Ingredients: Water, barley malt, yeast, corn syrup, hops

Cost: $1/2 to $$

IV. Our Reviews and Talking Points

Appearance: Golden, not overly pale, transparent, translucent.  Begins with a heavy head but that rapidly recedes, leaving a lager with low carbonation.

Aroma: Mild hoppiness, fades quickly to fairly typical but light lager odor.

Flavor: A lager with mild hoppiness, light fruitiness.  Finishes relatively clean but with a little sweetness.

Mouthfeel: Smooth, low carbonation, middle-weight.

Authenticity, Marketing, and Other Factors:  There is a kangaroo on the $%&@ing can, but this beer is only Australian in the most limited way.  Nothing really stands out about this one.

Overall:  Brent dived bombed Foster's Lager with a rating of 0.75; Clayman and Eric gave it rating that reflected their sense of the beer's general inoffensiveness, tying at 2.25 of 5.  Overall we gave Foster's a 1.75 of 5 stars. 

V. Sponsors

This episode was sponsored by two wonderful local businesses:

Leben Farms of Abingdon, Virginia

Leben Farms is a community supported-agriculture (CSA) program that offers locally grown fresh vegetables in weekly boxes to its members in Southwest Virginia and East Tennessee.  Using organic and regenerative practices to grown nutrient dense food, community-supported agriculture is a food production and distribution system that directly connects farmers and consumers. In short: people buy "shares" of a farm's harvest in advance and then receive a portion of the crops as they're harvested.

Check them out on Facebook or Instagram.

Also...

Glade Pharmacy in Glade Spring, Virginia

33472 Lee Hwy, Glade Spring, VA 24340

Locally owned and managed, Glade Pharmacy provides the highest quality pharmaceutical service in the Emory/Glade Spring area.

VI. Plugs

Hillbilly Epicurean

by Justin Smith

ALF (1986-1990)

Schlitterbahn!

Young Einstein (1988)

NOTE:

Yahoo Serious in Character and his Doppleganger,

Our Friend - Brian Gillespie

VII. Further Reading and Viewing

Tom Cowie. December 16, 2015.  "New York Man Sues Foster's for Not Being Brewed in Australia."  The Sydney Morning Herald .

David Downie. "Foster's - Its Australian for Beer, Mate! Or Is It?"  australianbeers.com

Jonathan Pearlman. December 23, 2013.  "Foster's Beer 'Bland and Inoffensive,' Admits Former Head of Brewery." The Telegraph.

Brett Romero. June 25, 2015. "Why Australians Love Foster's and Other Beer Related Stories."  brettromero.com

Ronald Theriot. October 17, 2016. "Foster's Lager 'Double Down." Louisiana Beer Review.

VIII. Selected Advertisements

c. 1960s

c. 1981

c. 1986

c. 1987

c. 1993

c. 2002

Episode 14: Moosehead Lager with Squire Brendan Roche

I. Introduction

"Clayman, get out of here.  I don't want to have to mop."

Earlier this week the United States and her sister to the north, Canada, managed to avoid a cataclysmic trade war when the two nations grudgingly came to an agreement on revisions to the all-important NAFTA treaty.  In celebration of this news we’re talking about a beer that, while making up only about 4% of the Canadian domestic market, is still favored by Willie Nelson and Michael J. Fox, the beer used to toast the successful testing of the renowned Canada arm that adorned Space Shuttle for decades, a beer identified with fishermen and loggers in the great Canadian northeast.

Its story begins in 1867 with the founding of Army & Navy Brewery in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia.  The founder, John Oland, died only three years later, and thus the brewery was renamed after his wife and fellow English émigré, Susannah. Delicious beers were brewed by S. Oland & Sons in Dartmouth until 1928 when the founder’s grandson moved the brewery to St. John and changed its name to New Brunswick Brewery.  This name in turn stuck until just after the Second World War when it was once more renamed, this time losing the regional appellation and acquiring one that referred to upper body anatomy of a ruminant mammal.

First imported to the United States in 1978, the brand was so exceptionally successful that the brewers had to radically expand its brewing capacity by 1985, the year it launched in the United Kingdom and became the fourth most consumed import beer in the United States.

Today’s beer is the largest brewery wholly owned by Canadian interests, a beer made by a company that survived the infamous Halifax explosion, a beer embroiled in a notorious ax murder, and a beer at the center of Guy Ritchie-esque heists.

That’s right folks, today, on Pickled Eggs & Cold Beer, we’re talking about Moosehead Lager. 

Today's theme is Blind Lemon Jefferson's 1928 "Lectric Chair Blues."

II. Our Guest (and Guest Host) Squire Brendan Roche

Professor Smith and Squire Roche, looking opulent. 

III. Rubric

BeerAdvocate: 3.04 of 5

RateBeer: 2.25 of 5

Untappd: 3.08 of 5

ABV: 5%

Ingredients:  Canadian-grown two-row pale malted barley, Moosehead’s own lager yeast,  hops (from Canada or Washington state), local (New Brunswick) water, and corn syrup.

Cost: $ to $1/2 - in our area we can mostly buy it in 12-packs for around a dollar a beer. 

IV. Our Reviews and Talking Points

Appearance: Golden, not overly pale, transparent, translucent, low carbonation. 

Aroma: Very little odor after the first few seconds.

Flavor: Minimally "lager" flavored, a minor aftertaste from bottle, almost none from glass. Not overly sweet.

Mouthfeel: The low carbonation, smooth, dry, nothing too "anything." 

Authenticity, Marketing, and Other Factors: The website is great, but advertising in the US, at least in our region, is almost non-existent.  The continuity with the family impressive.  We're not sure when adjuncting began but this is a corn syrup adjunct, so there is some discontinuity there.  Of course there are the scandals, some of which increase the romance associated (the heists), some of which are disturbing (the murder scandal).  

Overall:  B-Roche threw up a rating of 2.25 for Moosehead Lager, while Doc Smith nudged a little higher with a 2.75.  Overall rating? This super inoffensive beer is right down the middle rating overall of 2.5 of 5. 

V. Sponsors

This episode was sponsored by two wonderful local businesses:

Leben Farms of Abingdon, Virginia

Leben Farms is a community supported-agriculture (CSA) program that offers locally grown fresh vegetables in weekly boxes to its members in Southwest Virginia and East Tennessee.  Using organic and regenerative practices to grown nutrient dense food, community-supported agriculture is a food production and distribution system that directly connects farmers and consumers. In short: people buy "shares" of a farm's harvest in advance and then receive a portion of the crops as they're harvested.

Check them out on Facebook or Instagram.

Also...

Glade Pharmacy in Glade Spring, Virginia

33472 Lee Hwy, Glade Spring, VA 24340

Locally owned and managed, Glade Pharmacy provides the highest quality pharmaceutical service in the Emory/Glade Spring area.

VI. Plugs

Black Bears

Emory & Henry College

Emory, Virginia

Bob Klein's (2000) The Beer Lover's Rating Guide

Workman Publishing Company

Mike Tyson Mysteries

Wolf Hills Brewing

Abingdon, Virginia

Wolverine

VII. Further Reading and Viewing

Matthew Bellamy. September 22, 2017.  "Moosehead Breweries, Ltd." The Canadian Encyclopedia.

Richard J. Brennan.  July 12, 2011. "Former Moosehead Beer Exec Killed with Axe, Source Says."  The Toronto Star. 

Janet Cawley.  October 29, 1985.  "Moosehead Beer Bulls its Way Out of the Woods."  Chicago Tribune.

Sasha Goldstein.  November 8, 2017.  "Canadian Brewery Moosehead Files Lawsuit Against Rutland's Hop'n Moose."   Seven Days. 

Ronald Theriot. October 25, 2015.  "Moosehead Lager Revisited."  Louisiana Beer Reviews. 

VIII. Black Ink Epiphany: Original Art by Eric Drummond Smith 

(A Shameless Plug)

Hey folks, on September 29th I have a month-long show opening at Wolf Hills Brewing in Abindgon, Virginia. To open the show I'll be spending the day and evening at the Brewery to talk to folks and answer any questions you might have about the art. Also, I figured I'd go on and share my artist's statement for the show with you. I hope to see you Saturday, or if not then, later throughout the month!

Black Ink Epiphanies 

Artist Statement

First I turn on the music. Blues or jazz or punk usually, unless its Chopin or old-school rap. I close my eyes and let the music eat into my brain, fill me up with colors and rhythms and emotions, digging up philosophy and religion and memories.

I make marks on paper or wood or canvas, the music driving my hand like an old steam engine. There isn’t a purpose to it, except to make the mark, to be a conduit between music and emotion and whatever is going to be left on the paper when I’m done. Now, mind you, there will be a purpose, but I have to wait for it, dig through the paint and ink like Mary Anning sloughing rock for ichthyosaurs. Albrecht Dürer’s ghost gives me notes about rhinoceroses and devils and I steal my lines from Henri Matisse and Pablo Picasso and Keith Haring and Japanese ukiyo-e. I cuss softly under my breath because I’ll never be as good as Egon Schiele, never understand color as well as Van Gogh. Wassily Kandinsky and Jean-Michel Basquiat raise hell in the corner, anarchy on paper, glorious and free and terrifying, and I nod in time with banjos or trumpets, steel guitars and lamentations full of grit and scratches.

I think of the art you find in old places and dusty places in the mountains, invitations for booze and warnings of hell, memories of revivals and football games, paint chipping and rust rusting, imperfect and untrained and all the better for it, the art of the folk, my folk, the hillbillies and melungeons, the black folk and native American folk, all living in the shadowy blue-green-purple-brown-orange mountains. I remember the drips of graffiti on gray walls click-clacking coal trains, the cyan-magenta-yellow dots that acquainted with Unca’ Scrooge and Peter Parker, the yellow-varnished icons on the shelves of faraway churches, of birds by Audubon and menus in restaurants named after someone who lives a block away. I think of Hawai’ian shirts and of Christ's Entry Into Brussels in 1889, and the music swells again, the pattern etching into my mind and thus my hand and thus my brush and thus my paper. I think of birds.

The music lets out my rage and sadness and joy, venting it into the paint, keeping me from going mad, from joining my kith and kin whose spirits wander, furtive, les enfants de l'art brut, haunting asylums and hospitals and backrooms and basements.

Sometimes I write on the paper or wood or canvas, prose and poetry and lyrics, Bible stories and legends, hard truths and gentle lies. I hold my brush like a Chinese calligrapher then, sometimes, justifying mistakes as divine intervention, embracing the error in the evolution of the composition.

Then, eventually, the music stops and the artist creeps back inside, just under the skin. I’m the other me again, until I pick a new song.